A Sneakeasy State of the Union Address

Ladies, and Gentlemen, Members of Congress, our brave men, and women in the Armed Services, my fellow Americans, the Blogs of the Union ( BOTU ), the worldwide Blogosphere, and the worldwide TV, and Radio audience...

I come to you today to discuss not just the State of the Union, but also some things that, due to our sometimes hectic lives, we don't take the time to contemplate and, because of that focus you can visit the Official White House Website, or read your local papers for a text of an important supplimentary report on the State of the Union.

So let me get started:

Z IS  FOR ZOGBY, and all such Pollsters, including my own. We Politicians rely on them, instead of our own views, and gut instincts, far too much sometimes, and I pledge to work on that in my final years in office.

Y IS FOR YOUTH, the future movers and shakers of our great nation. Our Education System is seriously Fucked Up, from Kindergarten thru College, and I pledge to work on implimenting changes for the future in my final years in office.

X IS FOR XCELLELENCE in the quality of all that this nation produces, for Domestic, and International consumption, and I pledge to support policies that will keep us doing that and, in some respects, return us to that level of quality in the future, in my final years in office.

W IS FOR WORLD GOVERNMENT, a concept of Planetary Rule fundamentally opposed to all that a free people believe in, and I pledge to fight all efforts to drag the United States, and the world, down that road in my final years in office.

V IS FOR VICTORY over the enemies of freedom, and democracy, around the world, and I pledge not to settle for anything less in my final years in office.

U IS FOR "UNITED" We Stand, and Divided We Fall. Do I need to say more as we engage the world in the aftermath of Sept. 11? I pledge to be a Uniter in my final years in office.

T IS FOR TIME, as in the time is now for Congress to support my Domestic Agenda, and I pledge to fight for it in my final years in office.

S IS FOR SUPREME COURT, and I pledge to nominate another Judge like Justices Roberts, and Alito, if presented with the opportunity in my final years in office.

R IS FOR RELIGION, the soul, and backbone, of our cultural values since the landing of the Pilgrims, and I pledge to trust in my faith, and values, in leading this nation in my final years in office.

Q IS FOR QUESTIONS,  and I will continue to ask the right, and important, ones in dealing with domestic, and international, policy in my final years in office.

P IS FOR POLITICS, the game the opposing party continues to play with our nations' domestic, and international issues, while not coming up with good, workable, ideas of their own, and I pledge not to be distracted by this noise in my final years in office.

O IS FOR OPPORTUNITY, and I pledge not to squader the one I've been given, with this position, in my final years in office.

N IS FOR NECCESSARY, as in changes are neccessary in the way campaigns for public office are run, and I pledge to pressure Congress to impliment substantive policies regarding this in my final years in office.

M IS FOR MONEY, as in far to much of it has gone down the rat hole of wastefulness due to the many misguided policies, programs, and judicial decisions by the other party, and its followers, in the last 45 years, and I pledge to encourage my party to lead the way in reversing this trend in the future in my last years in office.

L IS FOR LIFE, that precious commodity that even the Unborn have clearly been shown to experience, and I pledge to work to enact policies that enable all Americans to improve their lives in ways, both small, and large, in my final years in office.

K IS FOR KISSING ASS, which is what the other party does when it bows to its radical base, and I pledge to encourage Congress to beat back the initiatives put forth by the minority at the urging of those who pull their strings, in my final years in office.

J IS FOR JUSTICE, and this is what will be delt out in the trial of Saddam, and what I pledge to strive to bring Osama, and his ilk, to in my final years in office.

I IS FOR ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION, a scourge imperiling our country for the past 25 years, and one I pledge to address in important, constructive, ways in my final years in office.

H IS FOR HEALTH CARE, something of importance to all citizens, and I pledge to work on implementing programs that create more opportunities for even the poorest among us to have it, in my final years in office.

G IS FOR GOVERNMENT, which has grown in size far out of proportion to what the signers of the Constitution envisioned, and I pledge to do what I can to reduce the size of it, and encourage my party to follow my lead in the future, in my final years in office.

F IS FOR FREEDOM, that precious commodity coveted by people around the world, in countries run by oppressive forms of government, including one form discredited, and defeated, when Ronald Reagan won the Cold War in the 1980's, and I pledge to continue this country's efforts to support the fight for it around the globe in my final years in office.

E IS FOR THE ENVIRONMENT, and the precious resources of our nation, and the planet. I pledge to support sound environmental policies, and not be caught up in the shenanigans of those activists, scientists, and governments, whose unsubstantiated claims have affected approaches to climate issues so negatively in recent years, in my final years in office.

D IS FOR DEFICIT REDUCTION, something I pledge to work on in my final years in office.

C IS FOR CONGRESS, a majority of which is from my party in both houses, and I pledge to support good candidates, in my final years in office, that will increase both majorities for the betterment of our country.

B IS BLOGS, the new way people all over the world have found to express themselves on anything, and everything, and to hold the Media, and us, their leaders, to account when they feel they have reason to find fault. I pledge to hold at least 1 Press Conference with only Bloggers sometime in my final years in office.

A IS FOR AMERICANS, AND AMERICA, land of the free, and home of the brave. May God continue to shed his grace on thee, and crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea.

Thank you, good night, and God Bless.

***UPDATE -  2/2/06***

If you missed the speech, you can read it here.

The Democratic response is here.

***END UPDATE***

Comments

[jaspar]

When you gonna throw your hat in the ring?

I strongly sense YOUR speech is much better'n what we're gonna hear Tuesday nite.

:)

[Kiril Kundurazieff]

Hey, if Cindy Sheehan can run against Feinstein.... ;-D

On 2nd Thought... ;-D

[jaspar]

I heard Cindy was taken away in chains
just before Bush's speech. "Cindy in Chains."
Sounds like an XXX movie, don't it? Nice ring
to it.

:)