Humor

Gay Wins Gold in 100 Meters!

OSAKA, Japan (AP) - A Gay is the world champion in one of the worlds premier athletic events.

In a 100-meters final that delivered a shock that no-one expected Sunday, this Gay was quick out of the blocks, and once his legs were pumping, he minced, and pranced past the great Asafa Powell to claim, quite possibly ( People more into statistics, and records, are free to enlighten this reporter. ), the first gold medal at a major international championship for one of his persuasion, in 9.85 seconds.

"After 60 meters I saw that no-one could catch me - and I just got all tingly, and excited," he said. "I stayed up, and alert, the rest of the way," he winked knowingly into the camera, as he was interviewed on TV.

For the full story go here. ;-D

Bowing before the Gods of Housecleaning

Pra_god

We are all Slaves to the Gods of Housecleaning, our Vacuums, Mops, Shampooers, Brooms, Dusters, Scrub Brushes, and other cleaning items, and the assorted cleaners we purchase to feed some of them to keep them happy.

If, like me, you live alone, it means that you have to find the time to perform all the required tasks yourself.

Sometimes you don't notice that a few weeks, or a couple of months, have gone by, and then it hits you that you forgot to do something you were so busy.

A day comes when the annual Apartment Inspection is about to occur, and you realize you need to replace your old Vacuum, and Mop, and get a Shampooer, too!

The 1st 2 were easy to get, and one of my Sisters used her Shampooer on my rug since I had to order my own online.

Listen up all my fellow Singles, out there!

Do like I am doing, and stick a list of weekly chores on yer fridge as a reminder if ya have to, because this cleaning thing is important, and ya can't put it off.

The Gods of Housecleaning are demanding taskmasters, requiring your attention almost weekly, and woe is the Slave who forgets it. ;-D

Jack Angers Carl With Stake in Behind

Ang_bur

In a hilarious new commercial the ever fascinating pitchman character for Jack in the Box implies that THIS is as close to a Piece of Ass that I am likely ever to get in my lifetime ( Watch it! ).

Carl's Jr. is NOT AMUSED that their $6 Burgers, such as this delicious Guacomole Bacon Burger are, in their view, having their genes sullied by their rival .

The Adfreak Blog has an amusing take on this Burger Battle. ;-D

What is in a Name?

1. YOUR REAL NAME: Kiril

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: ( first 3 letters of real name plus izzle. ): Kirizzle  ( Roll that R, baby! )

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: ( fav color and fav animal .): Green Cat  ( Cool! )

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: ( your middle name and the street you live on ): George Bristol  ( Kinda Sexy, ya think? )

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: ( first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first ):
Kunki  ( Ok... But what sort of Alien am I  ? )

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink): Blue Smoothie ( Very Cool! But what's my power? )

7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms middle name):

Inre   Ve ( Huh?  I end up with a 1st and last name by inserting a spance because dear ol' dad had no middle name, hee, hee!  ).

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: ( parents middle names ):
Alice Nada ( Best not go there, ok.  Hee, hee! )

9. YOUR GOTH NAME: ( black, and the name of one of your pets ):
Black Nikita  ( Very Cool! )

A Tip of the Hat to fellow BookCrosser, Toxicgrin, who had her own version of this on her MySpace page! ;-D

Maceyugoserbulgarigreekadonians for Borat!

There is much happiness in Maceyugoserbulgarigreekadonia these days.

The English funnyperson Sacha Baron Cohen has made much fun of a no account nation in the behind of the country formerly known as Soviet Union. He is put much insult on them, and make people here laugh very hard so tears come from eyes.
Especially with his character he calls Borat. Is name with proud history. Too bad it not a Maceyugoserbulgarigreekadonian name.

We want to tell all those who don't have sense of humor that he is really an actor who is try to use skill with joke to make money in capitalist country USA, and Great England. About if Kazakhs are like as he shows, we do not know. We never heard of country before movie, and now like learn truth.

We go online look Google, and we find goldmine for learn.

Borat is Blogger, too, like many Maceyugoserbulgarigreekadonians! ;-D

Maceyugoserbulgarigreekadonians are a good cultured hard worker people, like Kazakhs say they are, but our women are prettier, and we take pride in that.

Borat has made many Maceyugoserbulgarigreekadonians laugh much, and long, and many towns and villagers have become very envious of Kazakhs who will make much money from publicity, and people from other country who come visit, hike forest, and bicycle on roads, all over nation.

We ask Borat to come see our country, and see the condition of our society.

We have an, um, reputation, too, you know, and would like Borat to make movie about us like one made about Kazakh people who, unlike us, don't even have Bicycle to rent to tourist ( The Uzbekstan people, we know, at least have place to fix bike for tourist, when damaged on road. )

Please do good show so people know about, and come visit, our country!!!

Signed,

Lirik FFeizarudnuk

President, and Media Contact

Maceyugoserbulgarigreekadonians for Borat Making Movie About Our Nation Committee

Boogie to the Mohamsterdance!

The original Hamsterdance was amusing for the 1st 5 min., and then it drove me nuts! ( Not that I wasn't already, in some folks eyes, but... ). THIS? THIS is a pure joy! For the simple reason that it will drive the Islamofascists, and Jihad Joe's/Jane's nuts ( Not that they weren't already, but... ). ;-D

Seriously.... this is a wonderful FU to all those who are trying to censor one of the most important Blogs on the internet. I hope he returns to action some day.

Campaign Stunt for 2008 Democratic Contenders Leads to Disruption

Several illuminated electronic devices planted at bridges and other spots in Boston threw a scare into the city Wednesday in what turned out to be a publicity campaign for 3 Democratic Candidates for President.

The devices depict a candidate giving the finger.

Highways, bridges and a section of the Charles River were shut down and bomb squads were sent in before authorities declared the devices were harmless.

The Democratic National Commitee later said the devices were part of a promotion for the Liberal Values espoused by Barak Obama, John Edwards, and Hillary Clinton.

Full Story here.

Christmas Carols for Psychos

Just because I have a very peculiar Sense of Humor....

.... and I want to spread the joy of the Season. ;-D

1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia — I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees

6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Full Personality Disorder– You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder —Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells …

10. Agoraphobia — I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia — Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12 Oppositional Defiant Disorder — I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder — Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

14. Clinical Depression - Away in a manger, I can't get out of bed, these thoughts of suicide are filling my head.

A Tip of the Hat to the wonderful Blogger, Texas Fred, for spreading the cheer in his e-mail updates to his fans. ;-D

PS: As mentioned here, before, my Dad spent the last 18 years of his life in various mental hospitals, classified as a Paranoid Schizophrenic.

At least he had a sense of humor. ;-D

The Truth about Santa Claus

How DOES he do it?

Is he STILL doing it?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (cencus) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park his sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Read on, if you dare, but if you read this to the 5 year old, yer on yer own!

Oh, don't panic, already, that analysis has long since been debunked.

The truth is that Santa works out in the off season and, being quite the Stud, jingles Mrs. Santa's bells 6 nights a week at midnight. ;-D

Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays to one and all!

BTW, it''s ok to show the 2nd link to your teen as part of his, or her, ongoing edumication. ;-D

Tips of the Hat to fellow Stumblers Richero, and Old-Chook66.

Some Folks just don't get Blogging

There is a guy out there who feels this way about us Blogger-Types:

If minds had anuses, blogging would be what your mind would do when it had to take a dump.

Okaaaay.... ;-D

This guy has serious issues about Bloggers, and Blogging, and his rant is an absolute hoot to read.

Oh, and it's also very thought provoking, too. ;-D

If these words were people, I would embrace their genocide.

4 Reasons Why One Should Read Editorial Cartoons

Diary of the Mad Pigeon finds several examples of Editorial Cartooning at  its finest, and most amusing.

You can find more Funnies at Townhall. ;-D

I See, and Hear.... People 10: Pestering Pasta Purveyors

I went out to dinner Sunday night at The Old Spaghetti Factory, in Fullerton. ;-D

When I went to the front desk to get on the wait list ( 20 min. ) I asked the gal how old the spaghetti was.

She gave me a funny look, and I said that considering the name of the place I thought I'd ask.

I said, "What? You ain't never been asked that question before?"

Apparently not. ;-D

When my Waitress came to take my order I squinted at the menu, looked quizically at her, and asked her which spaghetti was the oldest. ;-D

She looked at me real funny, and I told her that considering the name of the place I wanted to know the ages of the various Pasta so I could order the oldest one. ;-D

I said, "What? You ain't never been asked that question before?"

Apparently not. ;-D

They took my humor good naturedly..

Nothing unusual turned up in the order ( Spaghetti with Rich Meat Sauce AND Ministrone Soup, Fresh Baked Bread, and Spunoni Ice Cream, included. ). ;-D

I See, and Hear.... People 9: Trick Questions

I swear, people, the questions I get asked you would not believe!

Or maybe you would because you are one of those who ask them! ;-D

To the man whose call I took at work yesterday:

I am a Directory Assistance Operator NOT some sort of census taker!

Too bad I did not have the Internet readily at hand because my sense of humor would have had the exact answer to your very precise question, as opposed to the one my database required me to give......

YOU: "Can you tell me the number of hooters in Sacramento?"

ME: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I can! As of the 2004 census there were exactly 240,496 pairs of hooters ( Biological Designation: Femaleous Boobicanus, AKA Womanus Breasticanus. ), of various ages, shapes, sizes, and colors, in the city of Sacramento."

Have a nice day! ;-D

***UPDATE- 8/4***

A great piece about Cell Phones, and Cell Phone users, in Market Watch. ;-D

The most annoying thing about cell phones is that people without one are stuck in various public places listening to all the public, sometimes most intimate, conversations in other peoples lives, and if we try to, even humorously, make our displeasure, and annoyance,  known to the person next to us the reaction is one of a "Mind your own business, I can do this if I want" attitude, and can get down right hateful if you say something to the wrong person.

Yes, people have a right to use them in most public places, but there is a reason that various public venues ban them.
***END UPDATE***

Does Google have a Sense of Humor?

Ok, this is weird.

I did a search for Lirik ffeizarudnuk, which is my name spelled backwards.

This is the search result.

Soooo, I click on the link.

Imagine my surprise. ;-D

Welcome to Google Mirror.  ;-D

It is the brain child of the folks at All too Flat. ;-D

Apparently Google DOES have a sense of humor since they have allowed this bit of fun to exist. ;-D

Technorati Tags: Google, elgooG

African-American Report Outs Sneakeasy as a Brotha

My secret is out!

I am a Black Man.

I have SOUL.

I know how to give a technically accurate, and stylish, I might add, High Five.

I can do the Funky Chicken, and not embarrass myself TOO MUCH in the process.

I am an unabashed fan of the Wayans Brothers, whose film, Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood, I consider to be a masterpiece, and whose TV Show, In Living Color, is the same.

I just LUV Watermelon!

I think Michael Jackson should have quit, while he was ahead, with Thriller, especially the brilliant video.

My list of favorite Black actors, and actresses, going back to the 1930's, is too long to get into.

I love, Instrumental Jazz, especially the older stuff, Ragtime, and a good ol' fashion Negro Spiritual, as well.

The Harlem Globtrotters RULE!

If, after all that, you STILL have your doubts, just look at my photo!

If that don't PROVE to you that I'm Black then I have an extra pair of glasses I can let you borrow. ;-D

The final proof, if any is STILL needed, is that I have been accepted by the website called AFRICAN-AMERICAN REPORT ( AfAmReport )!!

Continue reading "African-American Report Outs Sneakeasy as a Brotha" »

Much needed moment of laughter amongst all the Horror

Has reading, and thinking, about all this got you on edge, stressed out, ready to just SCREAM in your outrage?

I've been chasing more links down all day, and have been inspired by what I have found, but then I stumbled upon something, at Silflay Hraka, that let me sit back, relax, and laugh for a good 4 minutes.

A video version of the wonderful Abbott and Costello routine called Who's on 1st that is one of the most outstanding things to appear on YouTube yet. ;-D

I See, and Hear.... People 8: Channel Surfing

Quick change the channel!!!

I'm dyin' here people!
I'm laughing so hard the tears are coming. ;-D

Here I am, minding my own business, just channel surfing, ya know... nothing dangerous....

When I click on the Oxygen channel....

Late night programing apparently.
I've come in in the middle of the elderly host of the Talk Sex Program, and she's giving instruction, and comforting advice, to some woman who is on the other side of 50.

When I come upon her she is earnestly looking into the camera explaining things, and then she says....
"Sex is not pretty..."

She pauses ( The look on her face as the light bulb went on is priceless ), then quickly decides to add...
"Getting old is not for sissies... "

Before continuing on with her rather graphic advice. ( Something about putting your fingers in "here", or pinching "this" with them instead... just so, if ya get my drift ).

Watching this spectacle I just about bust a gut, as this thought popped into my head....

( Channeling the late Lloyd Benson )
Mrs. Whoever -U-R, I remember watching the great Dr. Ruth....

I heard her give advice in that enthusiastic, accented way of hers...

My dear woman, you are NO Dr. Ruth....

All previous editions of this series:

I See, and Hear.... People

I See, and Hear....People 2

I See, and Hear.... People 3

I See, and Hear.... People 4

Making a Difference: I See, and Hear.... People 5

Cell Phones and Flushing Toilets, Oh Joy!

Just WHAT did she want anyway?

Americans Should be THIS Rabid About Baseball

British Soccer Football Fans Encouraged to Express Their Support for the Home Team!

Boy them Brits sure do take their Soccer FOOTBALL seriously don't they? ;-D

Why can't WE have something like THAT during Baseball Season?

You know, A "Show yer Knockers for the Dodgers Angels" Campaign, or something.

If THAT don't inspire the team to greatness, nothing will, certainly not Steroids, hee, hee. ;-D

How the Dictionary might define me

Kiril Kundurazieff --
[adjective]:

Extremely extreme!

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Me, extreme? ;-D

Sneakeasy\'s Joint --
[adjective]:

Like in nature to a kangaroo

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Um.... Ok, if you say so. ;-D

A look at my stats would show, however, that the place ain't exactly, um "Hopping". ;-D

Mad Macedonian --
[adjective]:

Fuzzy to the touch

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Yup! That's me all over! Just a harmeless little fuzzball! ;-D

Cycling Dude --
[noun]:

A person who laughs at anything (even this entry)

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

3 Adjectives, and a Noun! Hee, hee. ;-D

Political Science Explained

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

There's much more where those came from courtesy of an e-mail received by the one, and only Great Satan.

California Communities Call For Democratic Leaders to Step Down

By Kiril Kundurazieff
SEJ Writer

DONKEY CREEK, CA. (SEJ) -- In 5 Northern California Hamlets, a 43 year-old tradition of residents gathering in the Community Meeting Hall to conduct local business became a vehicle to send a message to the Democratic National Committee ( DNC ): Howard Dean must go, and Sen. Harry Reid(D-NV), Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY), Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-IL), and even State Senate President Joan Fitz-Gerald (D-CO) can join him in leaving their Party Leadership posts.

An e-mail, approved by a paper ballot 149-1 in Donkey Creek Tuesday, calls on "someone, anyone, with "Balls" actually"  to go to the floor of the House, and Senate, at the next convenient opportunity, to call for their resignations, and for new votes to replace them, alleging that "they have misled the rank, and file into supporting Anti-American, Anti-Western, and Pro-Socialist policies, activities, and beliefs, thus playing havoc with the fabric that holds this nation together in its Social, Cultural, Economic, Military, and Edumicational life."

The E-mail was then sent to every Democrat in the House, and Senate, and twice to "Independent" Bernie Sanders for good measure.

"It absolutely affects us locally," said  Donkey Creek Mayor Stan TheMan, who drafted the e-mail on his Cell Phone, and sent it. "It's our sons and daughters, our mothers and fathers, our Cats, Dogs, and Ferrets, who are being brainwashed to believe this crap.

At least four other Northern California Hamlets, spurred, only a little, in part by the possibility of being able to distract the Mainstream Media from the latest arrest of the embarrasing Cindy Sheehan, endorsed sending similar  e-mails during Tuesday's meetings: Brokeback Hill, Dummville, Cahndom and Ptui.

Continue reading "California Communities Call For Democratic Leaders to Step Down" »

Greeks find Largest Tomb of Rich Macedonians

I came across a fascinating story in the news the other day:

Greek archaeologists said on March 5th they had stumbled upon the largest underground tomb in Macedonian antiquity in the ancient city of Peeyou in northern Greece, birthplace of Kiril the Blahgur.

The eighteen-chamber tomb stuffed full of painted sculpture dates to the late, to middle, 2nd century BC and offers researchers their 1st glimpse into the life of a certain class of nobles around, and after, the time of the death of the man legend calls "The Ancient Blahgur"( A Macedonian word for Scribe, or Writer ).

"This is the largest, sculptured, multi-chambered tomb found in the Macedonian region, and is important in that it is a bizarre architectural style -- there are far more chambers than ever found before  and a very, very, long entrance arcade," the chief archaeologist at Peeyou, May B. Kyding, told Fox News.

Kyding said that the tomb, accessible through a 32-meter long entrance, was uncovered in a farm plot bordering the ancient cemetery of the capital city of this little known Macedonian region.

Until now, the largest chambered funeral tomb found in Greece, much less its Macedonian region, contained up to 8 chambers.

Intact, inscribed tombstones, with the names of the owners still visible, and a vast stash of rich doohickies including jewelry, copper coins and earthen vases, led archaeologists to the conclusion that the tomb belonged to the noble family of Kiril the Blahgur.

"His was a very rich, and well respected, family. This find is rare as the cemetery is also full of commoners," said Kyding. "We actually learned the names of the owners from the tombstones."

Kyding said at least 15 family members had been buried in the chambers, and the tomb had stacks of scrolls, many of which most likely were the writings of  Kiril, written by him, and/or transcribed by his workers.

The painted plaster of the chambers, with red, blue and white dyes, was still evident on the walls, said Kyding, and told the story of Kiril, who was a well known ( and hated in some circles ) scribe, observer, and commentator, of his times whose writings were widely distributed in Greece, and Macedonian conquered lands.

The ancient city of Peeyou was part of the Macedonian kingdom, ruled by Phillip of Macedonia, and later by his son Alexander the Great, where Kiril was born in 370 BC and spent his childhood, before being sent off to study under the patronage of the great King.

He later returned to the city of his birth to begin his career as a scribe, but was also known to have accompanied Alexander on his conquests, sending dispatches back home for disimination to an audience eager for news from the field.

The tomb dates to the period between 300 to 200 BC, when Kiril died ( Legend has it that he died of a heart attack after his 4th wife gave birth to triplet boys, in 270 BC ) and his descendants later squandered their inheritance, Kyding said.

This period was marked by the continuing  power struggles and intrigues by those who followed Alexander and were still battling for control of his empire, and Kiril's 7 sons ( all born between 310 and 270 BC ), all Blahgurs like their Father, took different sides in the conflicts, Kyding said.

Very few examples of the writings of Kiril, and none of his sons, were, until now, known to exist, and only in 2 Greek museums, and it is expected that this find will shed much light on a great period in the history of the Ancient World.

Full Story here.

You know you are getting old

When you get an offer in the mail from the Smithsonian to become a member at the SENIOR DISCOUNT RATE.....

And you won't be 46 for 3 more days. ;-D

New Scam shows why I ride a Bicycle and walk

WARNING!! Latest scam...

This was sent to me in an e-mail this morning:


I was the victim of the latest scam now occurring in
shopping mall parking lots.

Two good looking young women come to your car as you
are parking. One starts wiping your windshield with a
rag and the other comes to your window and bends
over so far her breasts just about fall out of her blouse.

While you're distracted, the other one lets herself in the
back seat and then they both start begging you for a ride home.

Be very wary, because as soon as you start driving, one of
them will take off her shirt and rub her breasts on you
while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants.
This is when they steal your wallet.

I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday;
I couldn't find them on Saturday or Sunday.

You've been warned.

Be careful!

Not to worry!

I ride a Bicycle, or walk, remember! ;-D

Dogs is the Craziest Peoples

Hello, everyone, Nikita here.

Tonite I present to you Exhibit A in the discussion regarding Why God Created Cats immediately after creating Fido.

And they call these critters "Man's Best Friend"?

Now, I know some down right intelligent specimens of various breeds, and am honored to call them friend, but sometimes one comes along to give new meaning to the term "Dumb Dog", and here, on video, is the latest example.

My life as Classic Cult Film material

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic
Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few.
But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky.

Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

The Life of a White House Dog

This year the Christmas edition of the White House Barney Cam has a real Plot to it, and it is a very cute little story.

Look for it in website sidebar. ;-D

A Football Game worth paying to see

The Indianapolis Colts against the Harlem Globetrotters?

The folks over at The Onion have outdone themselves with this hysterical story. ;-D

French Intifada is more widespread than 1st thought

Thanks to the Blog Iowahawk we are getting a bigger picture of just which disaffected communities in the country are getting out of hand.

While everyone could have seen the Muslim immigrant upheaval coming for years due to the policies of the government, prejudice among the French, and the refusal of many immigrants to assimilate, it was not foreseen what OTHER segment of society would use this opportunity to rebel as well:

Former French matinee idol Pepe Le Pew was among the hundreds injured last night amid violent feline rioting in the impoverished Parisian suburb of Dans-le-Crappeur. Le Pew, 58, a former Warner Brothers studio actor turned Chirac government spokes-skunk, sustained severe scratches and concussions in the melee before nose-pin equipped EMT rescue squads could drag him to safety.  He is expected to make a full recovery.

Last night's rioting marked the eighth consecutive night of violence in the Paris suburbs, as thousands of immigrant feline youths continue to rampage to protest a lack of jobs and cuts in French government tuna programs. Dans-le-Crappeur, home to tens of thousands of unemployed first-hundred generation immigrant cats, has been particularly hard hit.

Violence erupted here last Wednesday night after French Interior Minister Nikolas Sarkozy announced a crackdown on crime and furniture-scratching in the sprawling Chateau des Chats public housing projects. Enraged feline youths went on a rampage, smashing windows of local fish shops and overturning hundreds of public pay-litter boxes. Violence intensified over the weekend as enraged cats began burning and looting sprees across the suburbs, sparked by Sarkozy's remarks that they were "easily enraged."

In a stark warning of continued violence Monday, immigrant community spokes-cat Imam Tariq Al-Felix of the Lipi Le Lyon Mosque said that arson and looting would continue “until the French government does something to solve the problem of all the burned out looted buildings in our neighborhoods.”

Oh, the shame of it!

After all that Pepe has done for his country!

Such as leading France's UN efforts to oppose US sanctions against the so-called "pussies of evil" of Sylvester, Tom and Mr. Jinks.

It was hoped he would help establish a diplomatic dialog with the Gallic feline community, but it apparently backfired.

I wonder why? ;-D

Quick! Someone call Le PETA!

Full story here: French Film Star Le Pew in Paris Cat Riots.

A tip of the hat to Little Green Footballs for this. ;-D

You know U R A Redneck when

... checking your Hurricane Survival Kit, you make sure it includes the following:

Mustard.............................................check
Cheetos..............................................check
Toilet Paper........................................check
Bud Light...........................................check
Keystone Ice........................................check
Budweiser..........................................check
Red Dog.............................................check
Misc. other bottles of alcohol......................check
Sheet of plywood or door on which to float your
booze (and chick)...................................check

Yeeehaaaawww!!!

Bring it on Katrina, Rita, Wilma, Xena, Zarathustra!!!

We'uns is ready for ya!!!

A Hat Tip to The Grouchy Old Cripple for sharing the above, AND for providing visual assistance ( Maybe the Coon Dog refused to budge from the front porch )  for the illiterate so that they too can be adequately prepared.

Maybe the couple in the picture were happily Makin' Whoopie when the storm hit, poor dears. ;-D

New Products to annoy your neighbors with

Recently Bill Bennett said some things that got the Afros of the more sensitive among us all scrunched up.

Well, an enterprising Blogger decided that Bill should't have all the fun, and has begun promoting some very useful products, and websites, that should REALLY rile up Jesse, Al, and the good folks over at the NAACP:

SlaveE-Bay!

TiVNegrO!

Distressed Jeans by Jim Crow!

Apartheid Housewives!

Slavester ( Beta )!

And I-Nigs!

The Assimilated Negro's effort is a prime example of entrepreneurial initiative in the 21st Century Afro-American Community, but will it get the praise it deserves?

heh, heh...

A hat tip to the new edition of the Carnival of Comedy for this news.

The Bible and TV Guide

Some one on a Message Board over at the OC Register website asked the following question:

How about relating the Bible to what we see in the TV Guide every week?

Then had a field day with examples:

You want desperate housewives? Bible's got'm!
You want the Apprentice? Bible's got'm!
You want Everybody Loves Raymond? - Bible's full of SitComs!
You want porn? - Bible's got it. Except you'll have to accept that this is a loving relationship and not an exploitive one.
You want daytime soaps? Yup, just what the doctor ordered!

You want History Channel?
How about Food Network?
How about Discovery?

American Chopper might be tough, but HEY! It does a pretty good job with the 'deadliest catch'. ;-D

Yes my friends, it's all there in the Holy Bible. Just for the askin! Of course it does take a bit more focus than TV.

Thank You, Mr. Malone, for the inspiration!

Read on...

Continue reading "The Bible and TV Guide " »

Never be out of the house on package delivery day

I HATE when this happens!

Tracking the delivery of my Family Tree Maker program, by UPS, I knew it would arrive today.

My day off.

I was going to be home all freakin' day!

Except for a 1 hour window where I had an errand to run around 1pm.

All would be fine, I knew, because UPS could leave the package with the complex office staff if I was not home...

Did you know that there is a Law?

... A law about leaving your house when you're expecting a package?

It will ALWAYS arrive when you're gone.

Who the hell writes these stupid "laws" anyway?

Continue reading "Never be out of the house on package delivery day" »

Cars don't kill people, people do

The headline writer at the Fox news Website must be a closet Liberal, Enviromentalist Wacko.

How else to account for THIS headline?:

Car Jumps Curb, Kills 1, hurts 13, in Vegas.

Maybe the AP story came with the headline already provided, and in that case someone should tell Hannity, or O'Reilly, so they can set viewers straight.

IF the headline was provided by a CONSERVATIVE staffer, then one is left to wonder if, during a lunch break, the person, after hearing about the story mentioned in my last post, spent the time at the local pub. ;-D

Continue reading "Cars don't kill people, people do" »

Drunk Republicans trying to lower their Cholesterol

The next time you head to your local watering hole, and it seems an awful lot of folks are bellying up to the bar for a shot of tequila...

Blame Fox News!

All those folks are REPUBLICANS who saw the brief report, tonite, about how the Blue Agave plant has properties that could help lower cholesterol.

The problem is that these nimrods at the bar all dashed out the door before the report got to the part about how when the damn plant's turned into the drinkie, all bets are shot to hell. ;-D

Sometimes I worry about my fellow Conservatives, and their brain cell count...

The Joint gets a Juke!

What's a fine, upstandin', establishment, like this without a jukebox?

Well, with my new computer, one has finally been added.

When you come in t's over there, in the corner, you can't miss it. ;-D

Anyway, things is swingin' in here at the moment as I am playing the only song, of the included playlist, that I kept.

I've got Dell Jukebox turned on. ;-D

A Party on the Mountain by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. ;-D

And Nikita is the one swingin' as I prance around the dance floor ( It's over by the stage. Jeez, don't you get past the bar, dining area, and reading rooms when you visit? ) a big, silly, grin on my face, and our poor, Bouncer, feeling mighty undignified, and put upon, dangling from my arms. ;-D

Anyway, this song may not stay on the list, but I am surely gonna be finding others to add to it. ;-D

It's sooo hot...

... that even the shade is getting in the shade to cool off. :-D

Costa Mesa resident Steve Smith, in Daily Pilot, thinks things ain't so bad.

But is it really hot? And what about the other lament I'm hearing these days: "It's so humid!"

To that, I reply a simple, "Ha!"

You see, I have just flown in from Washington, D.C., (and boy, are my arms tired) where they were suffering from the effects of the earliest hurricane season anyone could remember.

In D.C., people were trying to beat the heat by following one simple rule: stay indoors. The fascinating thing was the D.C. folks are not the indoors type, at least they did not seem to me to be that way for, sure enough, as soon as it got bearable, they were out shopping and visiting restaurants and bars. Even at 11 p.m. on "school nights."

The heat here is nothing compared to some other parts of the country. Try 118 degrees in Phoenix or even the 92 degrees I suffered through in D.C.

His report of his trip to DC is amusing, and interesting, and he end with this:

"So, with all of the so-called heat and all of the so-called humidity in Newport-Mesa, life goes on. Consider yourself fortunate. You could be living somewhere else."

Very true.

So, as you sweat, and as your electric bill hits triple digits, be of good cheer! :-D

Comparatively, it ain't so bad.

Deskbound Blogging resumes!

For the last few weeks I've been blogging sprawled on the floor.

Not my idea of fun, and comfort. :-D

My computer monitor, and keyboard, were sitting atop small, sturdy, boxes in a corner, and it was not comfortable to try to type.

It took me several days, but I've finally put together my new desk, and am 1 happy, and comfy, Blogger again. :-D

On my knees, and bowing, to Electronic God

For the past few days my computer has been on the floor in a corner of my apartment.

The monitor on top of 1 sturdy upturned box, and my keyboard on another.

I took the opportunity to untangle all the required extention cords, and all is laid out neat and organized.

In order to type I must either sit, or kneel, on the floor, and this makes for a bit of difficulty, as you can well imagine.

This is my lot for the next few days until I can get a new desk set up.

No Vacancy

A week ago I posted a notice about Apartments for rent in Costa Mesa.

Well, it's time to put out the No Vacancy sign!

A day after posting I noticed some nests on the 2nd floor, including 1 next to my door.

The 2nd and 3rd floors have these light fixtures that, if nothing is missing from the set-up, are perfect for the ingenious nest-building talents of a very common American Bird:  The Sparrow/Finch.

3 of the fixtures fit the bill, and 3 happy couples apparently have taken up residence and, after some snooping by yours truly, it can be revealed that they each lead healthy sex lives: Each nest has 3 whitish brown eggs!

Continue reading "No Vacancy" »

Apartment for Rent in Costa Mesa

Apartment 4 Rent!

Within minutes of the beach, shopping, and entertainment venues!

Let's face it. Humans often feel more like family than, well, actual family.

They stick around longer, too!

It's no wonder you don't mind building your nest near them!

At Air Force Fun Apartments the Humans welcome you, and the Cats are friendly, entertaining, and, BEST OF ALL, INDOORS! 

Continue reading to learn more about our wonderful Community...

Continue reading "Apartment for Rent in Costa Mesa" »

Butterflies and bicycles

While riding my bike to work this afternoon, I kept encountering colorful butterflies in my path, every couple of miles of the 11 mile ride.

Or maybe it was the same butterfly every time...

Was it following me???

I mean, it's possible.

Afterall each one of the energetic little critters looked exactly the same to me!

Is YOUR Cat Weapons Trained?

Nikita, my Bouncer, wants to assure everyone that HE doesn't "need no stinkin' gun!" to keep order around here ( he's a 3rd degree Blackbelt in the Martial Arts Catjitsu and Pussykwondo ).

What brings this up is the following story:

BATES TOWNSHIP, Mich. - A man cooking in his kitchen was shot after one of his cats knocked his loaded 9mm handgun, off the kitchen counter behind him, onto the floor, discharging the weapon, Michigan State Police said.

Joseph Stanton, 29, of Bates Township in Iron County, was shot in his lower torso around 6 p.m. Tuesday, the state police post in Iron River reported. He was transported to Iron County Community Hospital.

Cat shoots owner.

No word on whether the cat was charged with attempted murder, or even under investigation for ties to an Al Quada terrorist sleeper cell.

OC Weekly Remembers February Comment

Way back in February I wrote a comment to the letters page of the OC Weekly.

Much to my suprise it was published.

OC Weekly says I'm Screwed!

Now comes the amusing sequel in their year end issue.

The Weekly takes sentences, and paragraphs, from letters received throughout the year, and produces one humongously long, involving, and hysterical, Letter to the Editor to say good-by to the old year, and thank its letters section contributors.

Guess whose words helped lead off the piece?

Continue reading "OC Weekly Remembers February Comment" »

Odd Thoughts 9

Odd Thoughts That Wander Through My Brain While Taking a Shower 9:

When talking about politics some people identify themselves as being MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

Yeah, but......

Are they talking Dirt Road,  Brick, Asphault, Concrete, 1 Lane Path, or Street, 2 Lane Street, or Highway, or 4, or 6 Lane, Freeway???

Inquiring minds want to know!

Monty Python and the Holy Sneakeasy

I miss the Monty Python, and Benny Hill Shows on PBS!

Those were the days!

The Python Movies were cool, too. :-)

You are Sir Bedevere! Wise and creative, you are able to counsel others as well as come up with some really ingenious plans of attack...sort of.
You are Sir Bedevere! Wise and creative, you are
able to counsel others as well as come up with
some really ingenious plans of attack...sort
of.

Which Monty Python & the Holy Grail Character are you REALLY?

Well, at least they got the CREATIVE part right. :-D

A Hat Tip to Da Goddess.

Sometimes My Computer can be Such An Ass

Here I am puttering away the afternoon putting togther a post celebrating my victory in last weeks Blogger Football League games and putting together links to some really cool writing by my other League members, when my computer......

I mean, there I am with only 2 more links to put together, and I get up to go take a bathroom break.....

When I return I discover that my computer has up and FROZE!

Wassup with that??

That's just plain CRUEL, and unlady like, if you ask me. :-)

Admittedly I should have expected this. :-)

This ain't the first time the Ol' Gal has either froze, or switched pages on me, forcing me to re-do everything I had just laboriously worked on for hours. :-)

I've recently taken to doing frequent SAVES, while working in MT, so as not to lose EVERYTHING, but sometimes I still forget.....

And, then, she POUNCES! :-)

What a sense of humor, she has, this computer. :-)

And, as I look sternly at her, she just gazes innocently back, and waits patiently for me to re-start my work, or re-boot her, and then re-start my work.

Maybe she is feeling her age ( she IS 5 1/2 years old after all ) and somehow knows her time is going to be up soon ( like next year sometime ), and this is some sort of Protest or something......

Ah, who knows? :-)

Anyway I had other things to do this evening, and will be out on a bike ride, and family visit, tomorrow, so won't be able to do anything here again until Monday.

That will teach her!

Daddy won't play for a whole freakin' day!

Let her pout, and stew!

Truth to tell, though, I love the Ol' Gal, regardless, and can't stay mad at her long. :-)

She has played such an important part in my life since entering it in the Spring of 1999, and it is with anticipation, tinged with sadness, that I begin to slowly contemplate moving on up to a Modern Rig.

Continue reading "Sometimes My Computer can be Such An Ass" »

The Price of Picking Blackberries

A friend of mine, and her Hubby, escaped from California this year, and plopped themselves down on a beautiful property in the wilds of Oregon.

She recently had an amusing adventure that DID end on a note of sweet revenge:


Picked a peck of blackberries today.

Got the wounds to prove it!

The cry of the blackberry gatherer? Leggo, goddamit! Ow! Unhand
me, you varlet! Ow ow ow ow!

New jeans to replace those torn to shreds by berry bushes: $35

Sugar, flour, Bisquick, vanilla ice cream: $7.50

Hydrogen peroxide and a bandaid: $.15

Eatin' hot blackberry cobbler from berries you picked yourself:
priceless!


LMAO! :-)

There is No W in Wrong


Rush Limbaugh is on a roll. :-)

In talking about the new Campaign Slogan of Kerry's, W stands for Wrong!, he reminds us that the W in Wrong is SILENT. :-)

Al Gore and the Surgery of Bill


Rush Limbaugh made an important point this morning that few have latched on to.

If Bill kicks the bucket would that make AlGore the reigning Ex-President? :-)

Reason #2, I suppose, to be glad it appears he survived going under the knife.:-)

Yo BIll! U da Man! :-)

Where Were You?

Where were YOU when you first heard about the new FedEx/Kinko's Stores???

Me?

I was on the CAN. :-)

God, I love Radio Commercials. :-)

Didn't the team that brainstormed this idea, & those who approved it, even CONSIDER that it would be the prefect fuel for Comedians, and folks like me with a twisted sense of humor?

There I am at 8am this morning, at home, happily enjoying myself, when this commercial comes on, & I just start laughing. :-)

Top 10 places people said they were when they 1st heard of the new FedEx/Kinko's:

Continue reading "Where Were You?" »

Even Bees Do It

Ok, this is getting out of hand people.

Someone over there in Oregon called me last night asking for some agency called NorthWest Bee Control.

I didn't ask. :-)

I think that Code Orange in NY should maybe be extended to cover Washington and Oregon. :-)

Why Me????

Continue reading "Even Bees Do It" »

Oh Deer, This is Getting Serious

Ya know, maybe my theory about Suicidal Chickens ain't so far fetched after all.

Maybe the Conspiracy is more widely spread than I originally thought. :-)

Tonite I get a call from a concerned citizen in Depoe Bay, Oregon wanting to report to the local constabulary that a deer had dented the shit out of his SUV [ MY colorful description. HE just said it got banged up real good :-) ].

When I asked him how the deer was he said he didn't know. :-)

I forgot to clarify that by asking him if the miscreant was lying prostrate in the middle of the road, or if the critter had run off in triumph. :-)

Continue reading "Oh Deer, This is Getting Serious" »

Why Would 30 Chickens Cross the Road?

2 minutes in the day of a Verizon Wireless Directory Assistance Operator:

There I am, late yesterday, minding my own business