Sneakeasy's Joint

The Directory Assistance Operator Song

You know.... I never wanted to be a Bookstore Clerk, and Manager, for 17 years in the first place!

I...  I wanted to be...

A DIRECTORY ASSISTANCE OPERATOR!

( Cradling a cell phone lovingly in his arms, like a baby... )

Handling call after call!  As they come down the mighty phone, and cable, wires of the world!  With my fellow Operators by my side!
The Residential Listing!
The Business Number!
The Movie Times and Reviews!
The Weather!
The Horoscope!
The Restuarant Reviews!
The Little 2 year olds making their 1st phone calls!
We Talk!  Talk!  Talk!

Ohhh, I'm a Directory Assistance Operator, and I'm okay.
I dream all night of taking your calls all day.

Phalanx of 6 Operators at their cubicles:
He's a Directory Assistance Operator, and he's okay.
He dreams all night of taking your calls all day.

I ask you for your listing please. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lava-try.
On my off day I go shoppin'
And come home to watch TV.

Operators: He asks you for your listing please. He eats his lunch.
                     He goes to the lava-try.
                     On his off day he goes shopping
                     And comes home to watch TV.

Chorus: I'm (He's) a Directory Assistance Operator, and I'm (he's) okay.
                  I (He) dream(s) all night of taking your calls all day.

I ask you for your listing please.
I help plan trips and find Docs to fix that lump.
I press computer keys for hours.
I put up with the occasional loathing
Your curses are like a bouquet of flowers.

Operators: He asks you for your listing please.
He helps plan trips and finds Docs to fix your lumps.
                      He presses computer keys for hours.
                      He puts up with your loathing
                      Your curses are like a... bouquet of flowers?!

Chorus: I'm (He's) a Directory Assistance Operator, and I'm (he's) okay.
                  I (He) dream(s) all night of taking your calls all day.

I ask you for your listing please.
Your ignorance makes my head reel,
As I try not to laugh, ha, ha!
It almost drives me nuts,
Just like my dear Papa! ( Throws Cell Phone to the floor, and stomps on it. )

Operators: He asks for your listing please.
Your ignorance makes his head reel,
                       It almost drives him... nuts?!
                      ( spoken, raggedly)  What's this?  Is he nuts??  Oh, My!

Chorus: I'm (He's) a Directory Assistance Operator, and I'm (he's) okay.
                  I (He) dreams(s) all night of taking your calls all day.

                Yes, I'm (He's) Directory Assistance Operator, and I'm (he's) ok-a-y.
                 I (He) dreams(s) all night of taking your calls all daaaayyyy!!!

***NOTE***

With humble apologies to the masters of the Monty Python Troop, and the performers of The Lumberjack Song! ;-D

At just over 7 minutes you get the Barber Shop set up, the song, and the afterwards.

Michael Palin was brilliant!

What more could you ask for? Life is good! ;-D

I love The Lumberjack Song, and that's ok,

It makes me smile, and laugh, all the live long daaaayyyy!!!! ;-D

Lyrics, so you can sing it yerself! ;-D

***END NOTE***

The Journey Begins

The forest seemed huge and forbidding to him as he stood in the road at its edge and contemplated traversing it to reach his destination.

The decision to leave made, he had begun to walk, but he did not feel threatened.

The valley he was leaving was empty of all life now, and he felt sadness at the thought of leaving the land of his youth.

The road through the forest was his pathway to adulthood.

His Father had walked it, and braved its challenges, as had HIS Father, and HIS Father's Father before him.

And so, it now was his turn, and slowly, tentatively, he stepped forward and set out....

***Image from the Stumble Upon page of Furball123.***

The Stumble Upon Effect

I've plugged some of my posts on Stumple Upon, in the past few months, and it has been interesting to see the response.

On December 24th I linked to my Poem Sneakeasys Joint: A Visit to Baghdad.

Since then there have been 60 visits, and 101 page views.

2 of those folks have rated the piece, and both were Thumbs Up, but neither left comments as to why. ;-D

On Jan.19th I posted my story Sneakeasys Joint: Alien Murdered on Streets of Huntington Beach!.

Since then there have been 108 visits, and 181 page views.

No one has voted Thumbs Up, or Down, yet. ;-D

I wonder how many of those folks read the Weekly World News, and how many of them BELIEVE its reporting? ;-D

Alien Murdered on Streets of Huntington Beach!

The search continues, after 3 years, for the killers of  Yoj Matihc,  from the planet Alienopolus, run over one night, on the sidewalk on Eddinger, near Gothard, in the quiet seaside community of Huntington Beach, CA..

The Visitor from another world was on a 2 person Exploratory Mission from his Planet, to see if Earth people were civilized, and intelligent enough, to handle 1st Contact.

"I heard the Commander say 'OOBAKEEP!! ( Look out!! )' as this strange, unlighted vehicle, with 1 human at the controls, ran right over ha, and kept on going ," said the creatures' companion Ddot. "Then there was silence. Ha was flattened! We can't even remove the remains for burial."

"We believe that he, it, um, whatever, was killed by either a Bicyclist, or someone in a wheechair," said Chief Investigator Jeri Dalts, of Huntington Beach PD. "The fact that this crime is still unsolved is terrible for the cause of Intergalactic Outreach in our city, as we gear up for the 2007 Surfing, and V- Ball Seasons."

Though a bike was found on the grounds of nearby Goldenwest College, it is an old model, with no way of identifing the brand, beyond being 10 speeds, and has no license tag.

"We've been on missions such as this plenty of times and nothing happened," said Ddot. "Of course we always tried to do our research unobserved, and were always successful. Until that night."

According to experts, such tragic encounters occur with disturbing regularity. "It's an ancient risk that the Visitors have always taken," said Prof. Yor Leig Bingpuled, of the United Nations Office for the Investigation of UFO's and other Unexplained Phenomena .

The death has left many on the creatures' home planet wary of making future contact with Earth.

"Our Leader, and Planetary Congress, have been sharply divided on the issue since the incident," said Ddot, now on his 3rd visit to check on the progress of Authorities, "Especially our Cimalsi Party. They want to declare Dahij, and let's just say that you would not like it if that happened."

White House Spokesman, Tony Snow, said the President had no comment.

Spokespersons for Democratic Leaders in Congress said they will form a Committee.

Pat Robertson, on the 700 Club, said it was God's Will, and serves as a sign of the End Times.

Republican Leaders are hoping Pat will just shut up, and believe that the whole story is something straight out of The Weekly World News, so not worth discussing anyway.

Cindy Sheehan plans to accompany Ddot back to his planet, as "An Ambassador for Peace, and Friendship, on behalf of Mankind", with the approval of the United Nations ( The US,and Britain, abstained from voting. )

I know that this reporter speaks for many Americans, when I say...

Good-bye luck Cindy! America, and the World, will be the better for your absence effort. ;-D

****UPDATE -- Midnite****

After thinking on it for a day, and checking the Website of the Weekly World News to see if I missed anything....

I decided to let them know that they have been beaten to a story by a lowly, insignificant, Blogger.

One that sometimes doesn't even wear his PJ's. ;-D

MY E-MAIL:

Dear Weekly World News:

For many years I have always been able to count on the responsible reporters of your newspaper to cover the stories that no-one else will.

Not CNN, Not FOX, Not Comedy Central, Not even the Blogosphere's own at Little Green Footballs, and Pajamas Media.

This week you let me down.

I got a story that you seem to be unaware of.

You appear to be completely out of the loop, despite your immense resources, financial, and otherwise.

This is a sad, sad, day, for Responsible Journalism.

Read it, and weep!

Alien Murdered on Streets of Huntington Beach! ( Picture included! ) = http://www.sneakeasysjoint.com/sneakeasy/2007/01/alien_murdered_.html

What do you have to say for yourselves in the face of this humiliation?

Sincerely yours,

MR. KIRIL KUNDURAZIEFF
Santa Ana, CA. USA

I will report any further developements if any, um, develope. ;-D

****END UPDATE****

ALONE: A poem

ALONE


In the morning I will awaken, I will walk
In the clinging fog; myself
Will look about, and not see another,
Alone in the park, and break
The silence with breath and footsteps;
I will enjoy the grass and the trees
Seeing what is to see, and hearing what I can not
In the shadows of the dawn; and myself
With hands in my coat pockets,
Will smile in contentment, and
Plan for the day that will be.

***Poetry Copyright 12/2006 - Kiril Kundurazieff***

Inspired by a poem: The Lonely Death by Adelaide Crapsey, the creator of the Cinquain ( 1878-1914 ).

Tips of the Hat to fellow Stumblers Halcyonbill, for finding, and  Candycandy, for sharing further, the image above.

Would This Make a Cool Epitaph, or What?

Here lies The Mad Macedonian
He made people think, and grin
This, annoyed Liberals thought a sin
He thus died knowing that right would win
Genealogy

If you enjoyed this little jingle, and missed the initial batch, 4 years ago, then boy are you in for a treat. ;-D

It's a Long Way to the Prairie

( Listen while U Read. ) ;-D

Up to the mighty South Grass came
An eager Snail one day,
All the streets were planted in green,
So everyone was gay!
Singing songs quite silly,
about the homeland Square,
'Til the Laddy got excited and
He shouted to them there:

It's a long way to the Praire,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to the Praire
To the sweetest she-snail I know!
Goodbye to life in the North,
Farewell to the Square!
It's a long long way to the Praire,
But my heart's right there.

The Laddy wrote a letter
To his Lady dear O',
Saying, "Should you not receive it,
Write and let me know!
If I make mistakes in "spelling",
dear", said he,
"Remember it's the pen, that's bad,
Don't lay the blame on me".

It's a long way to the Praire,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to the Praire
To the sweetest she-snail I know!
Goodbye to life in the North,
Farewell to the Square!
It's a long long way to the Praire,
But my heart's right there.

The Gal wrote a neat reply
To her Laddy O',
Saying, "Snike Snailoney wants
To marry me, and so
Leave the South Grass you Gastropod Molluskie,
Or you'll be to blame,
For love has fairly drove me silly,
Hoping you're the same!"

It's a long way to the Praire,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to the Praire
To the sweetest she-snail I know!
Goodbye to life in the North,
Farewell to the Square!
It's a long long way to the Praire,
But my heart's right there.

Finally, Spam makes itself useful

Robert Daeley, of the Blog Celsius 1414, has found an amusing, and creative, way for the spam in his e-mail to make themselves useful. ;-D

Poem constructed from the subject lines of spam email currently in my Junkmail folder.

Who woulda thunk it? ;-D

A Spoem! Spoetry!

Now I am wondering what I can get out of MY spam. ;-D

100 Words

Here are 100 words, no less, no more:

Laurence Simon is a blogger of many interests.

As a creative writer, myself, I’ve added one of his sections to my writing links, and may find myself doing an occasional exercise.

He likes to write 100 word stories, and read them, on Podcasts, for all to enjoy.

He also has a weekly challenge to readers to join in.

As he says:

I'll offer up a topic or theme which you will use as the inspiration to write and record your own 100 word story.

Enjoy his archives, and indulge your writing talent.

The Jabberliberal

'Twas brobby, and the flizzy wotes
Did ziffle and wapple in the yillie;
All ninsle were the jorigives,
And the rume taths ingrobie.

'Beware the Jabberliberal, my friend!
The pen that writes, the mouth that talks!
Beware the Jubleftie Snake, and the wind
Out the rear of the Feminista-squawks!'

He took his verpil Microphone in hand:
So long the tinzeme enemy he hunted--
Finally rested he by the BumBum stand,
Then stood awhile and grunted.

And, as in deep contemplation he stood,
The Jabberliberal, with nostrils flaring,
Came shuffling  through the neighborhood,
And screeched loudly without caring!

I am Air America!! And calmly and truly
The microphone spoke Conservative!
He left it hoarse, its voice gone Blooey
He then let loose with a happy expletive!

'And did you silence the Jabberliberal?
Come out of my radio, my voice of reason!
O dribjous day! Yeehaw! Yaziberal!'
I chortled and tried to keep from sneezin'.

'Twas brobby, and the flizzy wotes
Did ziffle and wapple in the yillie;
All ninsle were the jorigives,
And the rume taths ingrobie.

All thanks for the inspiration goes to Lewis Carrol, fellow Bear Flag League member Annika, and the comments of the blogger known as Tuning Spork, from Victor's interesting post. ;-D

Technorati Tags: Jabberliberal, Jabberwocky, Jubleftie Snake, Feminista-squawks